Developing True and Good Relationships: Wisdom from Proverbs 27

Today, I begin a new series about different types of relationships as they are described in the Bible. Truthfully, the entire Bible is about relationships. I have chosen to look at Proverbs 27 to see what wisdom Solomon has for us concerning the relationships we have. Everyone we know was at one time a stranger to us. In Proverbs 27, Solomon begins by stating something about strangers and our relationships to them. Proverbs 27 covers topics including true friendship, enmity, family, family friends, naivety in relationships, romance, trying to change others, and becoming self-sufficient. We will consider each of these topics in their own right. How do you relate to strangers?

Do not boast about tomorrow, For you do not know what a day may bring forth. Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; A stranger, and not your own lips (Proverbs 27:1-2).

First, our relationships with others begin with our attitude toward ourselves. Developing true and good relationships begins with humility. Solomon begins with the self. Do not boast about tomorrow. When we consider the world around us, we see many people boasting about what they have accomplished and what they will accomplish. When our own accomplishments are at the forefront of our minds, we tend to treat other people as a means to an end. Solomon knows that each person is not the central focus of his own life. When it comes to living prudently in the world and making wise decisions, our focus cannot be centered on us. If it is we will always feel like a victim, always blame other people for our problems, and always brag about our own accomplishments as if we are better than everyone else. Admittedly, I was like this. I loved bragging about my own accomplishments in ministry and saw myself as better than other people. I can attest that Solomon’s instructions are better. If we are humbler and do not boast in ourselves or about our future plans, people will be more attracted to us as friends. Gaining good relationships with others, then, begins when we don’t think too highly of ourselves.

Too often, we simply look for people who believe like we do politically or theologically. Because there is agreement or we just feel good around those people, we say that we are friends. I want to challenge that worldly outlook on friendship. Friendship that depends on the way we feel is selfish and fleeting. In fact, any relationship that depends on our feelings is selfish and fleeting. We will see more about this concept later in Proverbs 27. 

We don’t know what will happen in a day. We are not gods who control our own destinies. We are not the captains of our own ships. We are not the masters of our own souls. Instead of boasting about our own accomplishments, Solomon instructs his children to let another praise us, and not our own mouths. We are actually instructed to let strangers talk about what we have done rather than bragging about our accomplishments with our own lips. 

Why would strangers have reason to praise us? Strangers only have reason to praise us if we serve them, considering them more important than ourselves. This biblical principle applies to every way that we relate to strangers—including outreach ministry, evangelism, work ethic, school, clubs, and even seeing a stranger in need. If you want true friends, stop living life according to your own agenda and live it to serve others well.

Concerning outreach ministries and evangelism, this means our goal is never to grow our own ministries or influence. Churches mistake church growth for kingdom growth all the time. We will attract people with camps, music, programs, cool stuff, bigger buildings, and even missions or revitalization projects; but if our motivation is to boast about our accomplishments instead of sincerely serving people, we have missed the mark. Humbly serving people is how strangers become friends. We don’t boast about ourselves. We humbly accept the praise of the strangers we care about and serve.

Concerning work ethic, it means not boasting in a paycheck or what we may make financially. It means not boasting about our work accomplishments or what we plan to accomplish. A healthy work ethic is about serving people—which we can do despite the economic atmosphere we live in and no matter how rich or poor we are. Whatever we do, we do it to humbly serve others. We charge fair prices. We ask for a fair wage. We always consider our clients and customers to be more important than ourselves.

Concerning school and social clubs, it means associating with others—even those no one else wants to associate with. God has not called us to be self-absorbed people. He has not called us so that we use others to our own ends. He has called us that we may serve the good of everyone else in every context we live.

If we see a stranger in need, it means doing what we believe is best for the good of that person. This isn’t always giving handouts. Overly religious people give handouts to everyone and boast about it as if their philanthropy was meant for self-advancement instead of the good of the stranger. Sometimes our trying to help hurts the stranger in need. Our goal is not simply to give a man a fish. It is to consider what is best for the good of others, that they might be established rather than perpetuating the cycle they are in. Consider Jesus’s own illustration in Luke 10:30-37. A man was robbed and left for dead. A priest and a Levite passed by him without helping. When a Samaritan passed by, he took mercy on the man. He did not give the man a handout that would have kept him in the same condition. Instead, he cleaned the man’s wounds, took him to an inn, and gave the innkeeper finances to get the man back on his feet. He did not leave the man alone to be robbed again. Jesus tells us to go and do the same as this good Samaritan. We are actually to care for people, not give and run as if we want nothing to do with them. When seeing strangers in need, I will offer this kind of help. Most often, people refuse because they only want the next dollar. I don’t typically hand out money unless people are willing to get real, lasting help for their good.

This principle really applies to every relationship we have, not only to the way we relate to strangers. Don’t boast in self. Serve people for their good. We lift up our friends. We consider how to protect people we are romantically involved with to preserve their purity and reputations. We honor our fathers and mothers. We honor the relationships they have built with other families. We recognize unhealthy relationships so that we can work for the good of others.

The world would have us believe that our relationships are based on our feelings or what we get out of them. This is not true. Selfish relationships always cause unnecessary drama and ultimately hurt others. Relationships based on selfless service rather than self-satisfaction last and actually work for the building up of everyone who is connected.

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